


Wear a Rainbow

by CplCrimp



Category: T.U.F.F. Puppy
Genre: Get Smart & 60s cartoon refs bc im a dumb gay, M/M, it's me the big scary dudswick/kesley/gay kudley shipper the wiki comments warned you about
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2019-11-19 01:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18128882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CplCrimp/pseuds/CplCrimp
Summary: various Dudley/Keswick drabbles. is there an overarching plot or storyline? no.





	1. Chapter 1

Keswick typed gingerly at his computer. His lab was dark. In fact, the whole of TUFF was dark. In fact, the whole of Petrapolis was dark. Not that Keswick noticed. All his attention was on whatever he was coding.

Dudley was standing behind him. Elbows on the back of his chair, lazily holding up his head. The quiet clacking of Keswick’s fingers paired with the quick motion of new letters on screen was almost hypnotic. Dudley would've fallen asleep if not for the screen being so bright.

His arm fell over the side, landing on Keswick’s shoulder. He promptly jumped and turned.

“86!” He exclaimed.

Dudley just smiled. That was Keswick’s nickname for him. Well, less of a nickname and more his agent number, but no one used it but the scientist, which only made it that much more special.

“44.” Dudley replied.

“Wha-wha-what are you doing here?”

“Telling you to come home.”

“But, Du-Dud-Dudley, I must finish program-am-aming this machine-!”

Dudley cut him off with a sweep to his hair. Keswick just scowled. No one was allowed to touch him there save for Dudley, and even then he was always on thin ice.

“It's past midnight and you’ve hardly gotten any sleep this past week! Adults need at least eight hours a night and at this rate you'll be lucky to get eight in a week!!”

Keswick shook his head turning back to his computer. “Keep your shirt on, c-c-cowboy, I'll go home in a bit.”

But Dudley wasn't satisfied with this answer. He proceeded to reach around and take Keswick’s glasses off, clipping them to his shirt collar as he started running.

“H-hey get back here!!” yelled Keswick, standing up sloppily, “Wh-why you l-l-lit-tle!!”

Keswick gave chase as best he could. Which was rather well, since all he could see were colored blobs in darkness and he was chasing someone who wore black on half his body. Dudley stopped in his cubicle, Keswick on his tail, heaving. Dudley just half-sat on the desk, cheekily smiling.

“You're an ah-ah-asshole.” Keswick muttered, reaching down to his hands in search of which one held his glasses. “Wh-where the h-h-h-hell are my-?!”

Dudley brought a hand up to his face, raising it slightly, softly placing a kiss on his lips. Keswick just sighed as he pulled away, unclipping his glasses and placing them in the top of his head.

Keswick shook his head, making them fall. Dudley was still smiling, while Keswick reverted to his usual expression of sarcastic amusement.

       “You love me.” Dudley muttered, kissing him again.

       “I sure thought I did.” Keswick replied, though his voice wasn't angry in the slightest.

       “Bed now?”

       Keswick smiled, sighing again. “Bed now.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw-ish, i'd call it a solid lime

Keswick had a habit of using whatever agents got into with villains as basis for his own. “Reduce Reuse Refurbish,” as Dudley called it, though only one of those words made any sense. But Dudley seemed happy with it, so Keswick didn’t mind.

Currently, his project was figuring out what the hell was happening here. Sure, he made the thing, that didn’t make it any less confusing. It was a simple pink box with a red bow in the middle of it, button where the knot should be. Most strangely, a pink sparkling mist was coming out from under the lid.

Keswick could only guess what it did. Thankfully gas such like that could only really affect you through breathing holes- mouth and nose- which Keswick covered with a simple surgical mask. He didn’t expect it to work, not really, but somehow it was, which is always interesting to note.

It was based off a recent invention of Bird Brain’s- when shot with his invention you’d fall in love with the next person you see. Dudley had first-hand experience, which is always fun. Number one it was fun to hear Kitty’s tale of dragging Dudley away pleading and making out with wanted posters, and number two fun to watch your boyfriend cheat on you through power of hypnosis.

He was thinking sarcastically, of course.

Anyway, Keswick didn’t have any intention of using romance as a mean to stop villains. He figured if he tried hard enough he could convert it into platonic love. Yeah, cheesy, but at the end of the month he needed a paycheck. Right now he needed to figure out this… leak?

Before he could even really rap his head around what was happening, said loverboy of a boyfriend came strolling in.

“Hi, Keswick!” he said in his usual loud manner.

“N-n-!” But his stutter took it to long to come out. Before he could even start his ‘no’ Dudley had slammed the door and was already being thoroughly affected by whatever this mist did. Dudley’s blue irises had turned neon pink and heart shaped, his fur stood up, but only for a moment. After a second his eyes mellowed to a softer pink, still hearts, and slowly made his way to Keswick, not saying a word.

Keswick just rapidly pressed the button, after many nervous, fast hits, it beeped and the gas dispersed, what was remaining seemed to cling around Dudley’s shoulders. Keswick sighed, relieved. 

The next issue was Dudley, who had made it over, who had one hand firmly around Keswick’s back and the other on his neck, thumb brushing his cheek. Then again, if this was a love gas, Keswick would gladly cure him- whatever that entailed. 

Dudley hummed. “Hi, Keswick,” he said sensually.

“86.”

He ruffled his hair. “Take off your mask, I wanna kiss you.” Keswick laughed a bit. “...can I?” Keswick just shook his head, smiling, taking it off. Consent needed to be worked on romantic or platonic, the ask was 100% Dudley. Though that was neat, personality could still show through a bit.

Dudley kissed him passionately, lifting him up and placing him on a desk a few feet away. After a while, Dudley had moved on down to his neck. Keswick smiled, humming. He wouldn’t let Dudley get too far. Just a bit, for…. science. If he got caught he could always just say he was under it too, right?

He quietly gasped, letting his eyes close, tightening his grip on his back. His face was hotter than he thought it could get. Dudley’s hands slowly crept up under his shirt.

“H-hey,” Keswick gasped, Dudley not seeming to hear. Keswick firmly grabbed an arm, “Woah there c-c-c-cowboy.”

Dudley pulled back to look at him, spirits undaunted. “I wanna fuck you.”

Keswick just stared in shock at him, new-found nerves messing with his stutter even more. “N-n-n-no, Dudl-l-le-ley.”

“Why?” his voice was softer than Keswick had ever hear it.

“We’re at w-w- _ work.”  _

“So?”

Keswick just laughed, lifting up his face and kissing him again. Then Dudley went to the other side of his neck.

“I l-love you, Agent Puh-Puppy.”

Dudley just quietly moaned in response.

“Dudley?” The laboratory door creaked open, Kitty standing at the entrance. Keswick gasped. After a few moments, Dudley must’ve realized what was happening, and yipped, jumping back. Kitty just froze and stared on for a few seconds.

“I’ll come back.” she concluded, slamming the door.

Dudley was gasping for air out of panic. Keswick jumped down, about to grab on to him, but Dudley grabbed him first.

“What the  _ hell  _ was that!?”

“D-Do you r-r-remember?”

“Yeah but-!” he sighed, calming down. His eyes were back to normal round blue. “What  _ was  _ that?” 

“I was buh-building some sort of love ray?”

“Like Bird Brain’s?”

“Same concept.” He shrugged. “It’s not a ray, and there was a l-leak in it. And  _ you  _ came in be-before I could fix it…” he trailed off. “...that was really nice.”

Dudley just stared at him for a minute. Keswick’s smile fell.

“Did you not?”

He sighed, “I did but… Kitty almost caught us, hon.”

“We’re gonna have to tell them ev-ev-ev-ev…. sometime.”

“I know,” he said, quietly, “But, like… not now. I’m not ready.”

Keswick shook his head, but smiled, “I’ll never get why you aren’t.” He softly kissed him, softly. 

“I should check on what Kitty wanted.”

“You should. You wanna c-c-come back and help me with th-this? I’d sure love to be k-k-kissed like that again.”

Dudley laughed. “Maybe. If I’m not needed.”

Keswick patted his back. “You’re always n-needed.”

The smiled at eachother, kissing one last time before Dudley left.

“Oh, Dudley?”

“Yeah?”

“...can we do that ag-again, later t-t-tonight?”

Dudley smiled, “Okay, but no magic gases this time.”

Keswick laughed, smiling as well, “No promises.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO nsfw-ish and by that i mean they talk abt keswick's dick for a sec

Dudley and Keswick were in their apartment. Dudley in a sweater he stole from Keswick, criss-cross on the couch, staring at Keswick, who sat on the arm.

“...what are we doing?”

“I’m c-c-coming out to you.”

Dudley tilted his head, “I already know you’re gay and an immigrant, is there anything else?”

“Kinda ties into the im-immi-gr-grant thing.”

“Is it the country you're from? Oh Keswick, you know I don't care about that!”

“That's the thing,” Keswick muttered, crossing his arms, “I didn't come from a c-country.”

“Continent?” 

“Those are v-v-very similar, but no not a cah-cah-cah…” He sighed, giving up. “I’m an alien. I c-c-come from a different planet.”

“So… you're an alien?” Dudley looked bewildered.

“Yep.”

“Like a… like a Gidney and Cloyd?”

“Ex-ex-ex-excuse me a  _ what? _ ”

“They're moonmen… they look like onions….”

Keswick was silent, trying to figure out what Dudley was talking about. “D-D-Dudley P-P-P-Puppy do I l-look like an  _ onion _ to you?”

Dudley squinted, tilting his head to either side, looking him up and down, tongue out in concentration. “You sure are the color of one.” He concluded.

Keswick just laughed.

“You don't know Gidney and Cloyd!” Dudley went on, “A thunder of jets in an open sky, a streak of gray and a cheerful-”

“Du-Dudley stop I can't breath!” Keswick said between laughs. Dudley just started laughing too. After a few minutes they calmed down.

Dudley moved forward to kiss him. During the third, Dudley’s arms wrapped firmly around his new-found alien boyfriend, Keswick started moving backward. Dudley moved forward to compensate.

Suddenly they tumbled off the arm of the couch onto the floor. Dudley shot up immediately.

“Are you okay?”

But Keswick was just laughing. Dudley smiled, moving his hands up to squish his cheeks. Keswick smiled and red came over his cheeks.

“H-hey-!”

“Being an alien sure explains why you're so soft and squishy.” Dudley chuckled.

“Th-that's the jellyfish.”

Dudley was silent as Keswick stated up at him, smirk quaintly on his face.

“Other parts are, too.”

“Keswick I swear to god if your dick is just one big jellyfish tentacle-”


	4. Chapter 4

Keswick tapped gingerly at his computer. Dudley had insisted on leaving the curtains of a window right beside him open, the window cracked open a bit, too. A tap at the window prompted him to look over. On the other side was dark brown werewolf, in goggles unnaturally shiny. They stuck a huge claw under the cracked part of the window, creaking as it opened. They hopped in, smiling maliciously at Keswick, frozen in fear.

“Miss me?” growled a much too familiar voice.

Keswick had a choice to make, and lord knows how long Dr Destruction would give him to make it. He could go toward the door, and possibly endanger the rest of TUFF, or he could go for the phone at the other side of the room and have a 99.99% chance of getting killed.

Phone would cause less deaths, he decided, standing and bolting, cursing the dial. Dr Destruction made it over as soon as Chief picked up.

“TUFF HQ.”

“D-Dr Destruction’s here and they’re about to m-murder me, call a f-f-f-f-fucking ambulance-!”

He screamed the last syllable as Dr Destruction pulled him away and held him high in the air, Keswick kicked and punched their arms anyway despite knowing it was in vain and, before he knew it, the world went black.

\--

Keswick woke up again, staring up at white speckled with gray. He almost thought this was heaven before hearing the soft whimper coming from his chest, weight sitting on top of his legs. He looked down. Of course it was Dudley, he could tell even without his glasses. He was staring up at Keswick, eyes watery and whimpering like he was a puppy locked in a cage watching his owner leave. Keswick concluded he must be in a hospital. 

He lifted an arm and scratched behind his ears, Dudley licking his arm in response, tail wagging. Keswick took his hand away and dramatically shook it.

“Gross,” he said, voice raspy.

“I’m just so happy you’re still alive!!” he said excitedly, springing up and hugging him.

“Wh-what even… happened?”

Dudley shook his head, eyes still watery.

Keswick placed a hand to his cheek, “Then wh-why are  _ you _ here? And on my l-legs, too. I th-th-thought you had work.”

“I’m a lap dog and I have separation anxiety, Keswick. Chief let me off after seeing how rough I was.”

“I thought you had anxiety m-m-medication. Forget it?” Keswick jokingly smiled.

“Yeah,” Dudley admitted with a sigh, “I was so anxious worrying about you-!”

He curled back up on his lap, “Can I just cuddle with you until a doctor comes in?”

Keswick just smiled and nodded at him response.


	5. Chapter 5

Dudley was sitting at a desk of Keswick’s while he tinkered with his love box again. Dudley wasn’t paying that much attention, watching the wall near the open window just in case.

He snapped, not catching the attention of Keswick, and turned to him. 

“Remember that movie we watched last night?”

“Mhm.”

“And how I was making popcorn during that love song?”

“Mhm.”

“And after we finished I made us listen to it for the next half-hour because I both missed it and it was a bop?”

Keswick chuckled, “Where are you heading with this?”

“I just…” Dudley shifted, “I thought it was an  _ us _ song.”

Keswick let out a breath of laughter, looking up at him. “What because Cosmo calls his wife naggy and demanding?”

“No! No!” He jumped down, Keswick following as he stood behind him. Dudley held his hips, keeping him close, “Because one of them is smart and kick-ass and the other is very stupid.”

“....I don’t know if I’d call you smart and ki-ki-ki-kick-ass.”

“Yeah, you’re that one!”

“....no?”

Dudley gave a light laugh. “Look at yourself, Keswick! You’ve literally made a love machine!”

“I’ve st-st-stolen a love machine, yes,” he shrugged, “Dudley I’ve no idea wh-what I’m doing.”

“You’ll figure it out!” Dudley encouraged, giving him a soft nuzzle. Keswick turned back around, shaking his head but smiling. Dudley wrapped his arms around him, his head on his shoulder.

“H-h-how about you tell me why you th-think its an  _ us  _ song, hm?”

“Only if you sing it.”

Keswick laughed airly, shaking his head. He leaned back, hands on Dudley’s wrists.

“Oh. I h-h-h-hate you.”

Dudley snickered, placing light kiss to his neck.

Keswick sighed, hardly changing his speaking voice, “I was lost, til he found me. And although he c-confounds me, by his crown is where I know I should b-b-b-be.”

Dudley hummed lightly, any idea of explanation long gone from his mind. Keswick shifted closer to Dudley, continuing on. By the time Dudley got to sing, he’d completely spun Keswick around, holding him as if they were dancing. Each duet Keswick was trying his hardest not to stutter, he didn’t succeed, not that Dudley seemed to mind. He just paused and waited, which really flustered Keswick more so than the song did.

“I’d rather go through it….”

“I kn-kn-know I’ll get through it.”

“If I’m floating through it….”

“With you-!”

But Dudley cut the note short, pulling Keswick in for a passionate kiss. Keswick let out a breath of laughter, and whenever Dudley finally pulled back, Keswick booped his nose.

“Just f-f-f-fairied.”


	6. Chapter 6

Dudley jumped awake, shaking, his eyes the size of dinner plates, panting. He flopped on top of Keswick, asleep beside him, who suddenly jolted awake with a yelp.

“Dudley?” he struggled to sit up under Dudley’s weight, “What’s wrong?”

Dudley gave a heavy sob and sniffle, whimpering. He turned up to look at him with big watery eyes. Keswick sighed through his teeth, patting his head.

“I-I-I! I had a nightmare…”

“And?”

He scooted up closer to Keswick’s face. “My mom was there and… and first she was yelling bad alien words directed at you, and I mean, I-I don’t  _ know  _ any bad alien words but it  _ felt  _ like that’s what she was saying….”

Keswick rubbed his arms, “Mhm?”

“And then… and then…” he sobbed, trying to nuzzle himself deeper into Keswick’s thin fur, “She…. she says that if I really  _ was  _ gay she’d never love me again.  _ No one  _ would ever love me again. No matter what….”

Keswick hummed lightly. When Dudley opened his eyes again after more heavy sobs, instead of the calm and collected let’s-work-through-this-rationally look Keswick always had when Dudley came crying to him that Dudley had come to expect he had…. Empathy.

“...hm.” he said after a moment, “Well th-that’s not great,” he shrugged, “I’m sorry.”

Dudley stared in silence for a few moments. “...are you okay?”

Keswick smiled, “Dudley, no. You’re the one who had the nightmare.”

“But…” he shook his head, “You  _ always  _ have something to say… something to calm me down, something to help…”

Keswick sighed and shrugged, “I don’t think your mu-mu-mu-mom would do that.”

Dudley smiled sadly, “That it?”

Keswick ran his thumb over Dudley’s cheek. “I know h-how you feel and I’m sorry you dr-dr-dreamed that.”

Dudley sighed, leaning forward to kiss him before rolling back over. “What do you mean you know how I feel?”

Keswick moved to cuddle with him. “C-c-c-coming out and your parents h-hating you for it. My parents did. That’s… why I’m here.”

“I thought you said that you were cooking something at work and the stick police exiled you.”

“I like trying to make it l-li-lighthearted.”

“...so your parents exiled you from the planet?”

Keswick shook his head. “The entire planet was s-s-s-super homophobic. My parents f-f-found out and I g-got chased by police and… c-c-c-came here.”

Dudley chuckled, his nightmare almost completely off his mind. He turned over, hugging Keswick. “I can’t believe my own boyfriend is a fugitive.”

Keswick kissed him, chuckling and smiling. “A-and hey. I- heh- I d-d-doubt your mom would react like that b-b-b-but…. She’s wrong. I’ll love you f-f-forever.”

Dudley sniffled, pulling him closer. “I love you Keswick.”

“Mhm?”

“I love you so much….”

“Mm…. I love you t-t-too, Dudley.”


	7. Chapter 7

Dudley’d surprised Keswick with a gift recently. It wasn't a gift day, not that Keswick was aware, but Dudley didn't give him time to overthink and doubt what day it was.

It was wrapped and in a small box, almost like a Christmas present, too small to be a ring. Keswick was absolutely dumbfounded throughout the entirety of the experience, but came out of it with a small gay-flag button.

Dudley pinned it to his coat lapel immediately and the next morning Keswick didn't have the heart to take it off. So he wore it to work, not that he was scared about anyone noticing. In fact, he was feeling very confident in wearing a gay-flag badge.

“Keswick?”

He  _ had  _ felt confident anyway. 

“...Chief.”

Keswick felt his hearts beat faster as Chief hopped up to his shoulder. He’d  _ never  _ felt this nervous around the Chief. He didn’t think he  _ could  _ feel nervous around the Chief. Sure, if someone he didn’t know as well questioned him he’d get nervous, no matter how hard he lied to himself but the  _ Chief?  _

He pulled out part of his coat near his lapel so Chief could slide down and get a better look. He slid down, humming.

“I never took you as a badge type,” he said simply, but Keswick was too caught up in fear over the design to reply. “Keswick?”

“...y-y-y-yeah?”

“This is the gay pride flag, right?”

“...r-right.”

He chuckled and hopped back down, “I never would’ve thought you swung for _ that  _ team, Keswick. Congratulations!”

Keswick felt his nerves get caught in his throat, replaced by confusion.  _ Congratulations? _

“Th-thanks?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sex joke

Snaptrap had returned to his “steal wedding gifts” idea. Which meant TUFF was returning to its fake wedding idea.

“It was my piece de resistance!” he’d said in a video call warning TUFF of his plans. Keswick, Kitty and Chief were all dumbfounded he knew such a phrase, meanwhile Dudley was wondering what it meant.

Kitty hummed, “Well I refuse to marry Dudley again.”

“Ditto!”

“Not to m-m-mention that would make it seem you two were getting rem-m-married.”

Dudley gave a loud retch.

“And the Chief is much too old,” Kitty went on, ignoring Dudley. “So that just leaves…”

“No!” Dudley exclaimed, “No! No!”

Keswick snickered, shrugging. Dudley’d been scared to tell TUFF, or, really anyone, about his being gay and his dating Keswick.

“It’s a fake wedding!” Keswick reminded.

“With you!” Dudley exclaimed, “Gross!”

“You’ve got worse options.”

He sighed dramatically while Kitty gave Keswick a light slap to the arm. 

\--

Dudley hadn’t dared invite his mother and Keswick didn’t have any family to invite, so the wedding was full of TUFF agents. Dudley made it  _ abundantly  _ clear during the hours of planning that this was absolutely a fake wedding.

Chief decided himself the officiant. When in came time to agree, Dudley said something to really win over his scientist fake-husband.

“Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

Keswick bust out in laughter, though forced himself to keep his mouth closed so they looked like sobs. He nodded, “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

Chief made a dumbfounded, absolutely shocked expression, though spoke as if they were meant to say that. “Then you may now kiss.”

So Dudley did. Stronger and longer than he’d ever kissed Kitty, not that she or the Chief noticed. Kitty was already holding Snaptrap and the half-changed Chameleon at gunpoint. The Chief rushed over to handcuff them.

Dudley pulled back and put a hand on Keswick’s cheek. “Chief’s not really a wedding officiator, is he?”

“I’ll never tell,” Keswick chuckled, winking.

Kid and Bacon hauled the two away, while the Chief and Kitty turned back to them.

“Great work, agents!” He called, “What acting!”

“Say, Dudley,” Kitty asked, “How do you know what mitochondria is but not what piece de resistance means?”

“Kitty I'm marrying a scientist.”

“...alright, fair,” she concluded, nodding.

“Let's party, baby!” Chief exclaimed, rolling away. Keswick couldn't help laughing.

“I couldn't help notice you two are still holding hands,” Kitty said, jokey-malice lacing her voice. Dudley stepped back and shot after the Chief immediantly, “You trying to steal my husband, Keswick?”

“Oh, you kn-kn-know it.”

Kitty laughed, taking a bouquet of flowers from a nearby vase. “Might as well complete the action, hm?”

Keswick smiled evilly, hurling the floors straight into the back of Dudley’s head.

_ “Owww-uh!” _

Kitty let out a loud laugh. “Guess we’ll call you two whenever we need to fake another wedding?”

“You can ca-ca-ca-call me when us two when you want a real w-wedding.”

Kitty made her voice more serious, “Really?”

Keswick nodded, glancing wistfully at Dudley, “Now if you don't mind, I believe I've got a c-c-con-consummation to attend!”

“Oh, you  _ fox!” _


	9. Chapter 9

Keswick had been acting strange since lunch. Not to say no one had noticed, just about everyone had. Dudley noticed the hardest, of course. Dudley decided that it was too stranger to just be a mood swing, and thought of one surefire way to check if it was truly Keswick or an imposter.

“Hi, Keswick,” he greeted, slipping a small metallic stick into a pocket. It was something Keswick had made to erase people’s memories for up to a day. Dudley figured the imposter only got the idea at lunch, and it would erase the thought too.

“Hey. What is it.” he answered, not looking up from his work.

“Welllll….” sighed Dudley, standing behind him, one hand on the laser gun snapped to the back of his shirt, “I messed up a case and I feel really bad about it…. Can I have a kiss or a cuddle? Help me feel better?”

Keswick stopped dead, and Dudley took that as queue to pull out the gun and set it to its lowest. 

“I-I’m sorry?” he chuckled, “You can’t be serious. We’re both straight!”

“That’s what I thought, you imposter.”

Keswick shot around, laser gun pointed right at his chest. Dudley shut his eyes tight, pulling the trigger. He  _ knew  _ that wasn’t actually Keswick and he  _ knew  _ it was so low it wouldn’t do anything but shock him, but it hurt nonetheless.

Keswick fell to the ground and Dudley worried for a moment it actually  _ was  _ Keswick. It quickly faded as the shape glitched between Keswick and Chameleon. Then it stopped on Chameleon, suit sparking for several seconds. Dudley never had such an urge to hurt him further.

The aimed the gun at his head, “Now you show me what you’ve done with Keswick.”

Chameleon gulped nervously, nodding, “If I show you, will I get out of jail?”

“If you show me you should consider yourself lucky you aren’t dead.”

“...right.”

(...)

Chameleon had given Dudley directions to his hideout, an abandoned storage unit. Keswick was knocked out and trapped with two different handcuffs, one on his hands and the other interlaced with a pipe. No key was in sight, so Dudley sighed and tried his hardest to pick the one around the pipe with his blunt claws.

When he succeeded, he tossed Keswick over his shoulder, and turned to the Chameleon.

“Oh, and Chameleon?”

“Hm?”

As he flashed him with the memory loss stick, Chameleon screamed and ran off. Dudley putt Keswick in the passenger seat, hoping he’d wake up soon. He took his own seat and started the car back up, before trying to pick the other cuffs.

Keswick, of course, woke up right in the middle of it.

“WH-WH-WHAT THE _FUCK--”_ he screamed, tearing his hands away and kicking the glovebox, “WHERE AM I--!”

“Keswick-!”

He gasped, “Dudley?!”

“Yeah! And thanks for getting your shoe print on my car!”

Keswick giggled awkwardly. “Sorry. Can you get these ca-ca-cuffs off me?”

Dudley nodded, all anger forgotten, and leaned over. “I can try. I couldn’t find a key so I’ve just tried to lockpick with my claws.”

Keswick let out an over-the-top gasp. “My boyfriend! Commiting a cr-crime! I can’t believe you.”

Dudley smiled and stole a kiss before starting his task. As soon as Dudley freed both of his hands, Keswick grabbed his arms and pulled him down for another kiss. All the annoyance and anger Dudley had for the Chameleon faded and he so desperately didn’t want to let him go encase he lost him again but--

Keswick laughed, releasing Dudley. “I don’t know wh-wh- _ what  _ happened for the past few h-hours but… th-thanks for saving me! I love you.”

Dudley nodded and, flustered, got back into his seat. “A-anytime. I love you too. Now let’s get you home.”

Keswick clicked the cuffs back together, spinning them around his finger. “Not to work, huh?”

“I’m not taking my eyes off you for a goddamn week,” he admitted shakily.

Keswick gave a snort of laughter, “...k-kinky.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sex joke, but slightly less explicit

Valentine’s at the office was a big celebration. Rather, the Chief and Dudley were big on Valentine’s. But hey, parties meant moderately free food.

Dudley’d made Valentines for everyone the day before and taped a grape candy to each. He’d already passed around valentines to every other agent, and now headed over to Kitty, Keswick and Chief. Chief was sitting on Kitty’s shoulder drinking stranger pink punch from a thimble. 

Dudley gave each of them pink rounded triangles, which opened into a heart. 

“You are sweet,” read Kitty, ripping the tape from her candy, “Oh… thanks, Dudley.”

“You are special to me,” read Chief, chuckling, “Well then.”

“I love you ch-cherry much,” read Keswick, unable to hide his smile and praying his face wasn't as read as the cherry referenced.

Dudley clapped his hands excitedly and beamed. “Ohohoh!” he exclaimed, pointing at a heart-shaped box, “I got a bigger gift for one of  _ yoooouuu~!!” _

“Oh, shit,” Keswick muttered, “I was eating from that. I di-di-didn't know it was a gift.”

Dudley nodded and smiled innocently and Keswick couldn't stand to keep looking at him out of embarrassment. Kitty picked up the box and read a label on the back.

“To K,” she said, “Huh. Is this for me, Dudley?”

“Uhhhh…”

Kitty smiled mischievously and thrust the box into Dudley’s bright pink face. 

“Be gentle with him, I’ll kick your ass if you hurt him.”

“He kicks my ass just fine, don't worry,” Dudley smiled, winking at her.

“Oh, sh-shut the hell up.”


	11. Chapter 11

There were lots of things that Keswick still didn't understand about Earth. Luckily Dudley was a pretty good wall to vent his confusions to.

Currently, Keswick was on the couch and Dudley was spread across his lap with a brand-new squeaky toy.

"I don't get  _you_ and your love for gr-grapes."

_Squeaaakk._

"Like, f-f-feral dogs are  _deathly_ allergic to grapes."

_Sqqueak._

"How non-f-f-f-feral stomachs  _handle_ them? I've seen you d-down grapes and the  _only_ time you've gotten sick was when you ate the st-stem. Vine?"

_Sq-squeak!_

"I mean, I guess you've never eaten an av-ava-c-c-cado or a cherry or a raisin. I think you've eaten every other dog-safe fruit."

_Sq-squea-squeak!_

"Maybe not lemons. But you like lemonade."

_Sqea-squeak!_

Keswick leaned back and hummed, stroking his back. Dudley's tag wagged a bit harder.

"...I've n-never seen you eat an apple."

"Apples are gross!"

Keswick jumped a bit, expecting another enthusiastic squeak instead of Dudley's just-as-loud voice.

"...have you actually been l-listening?"

"Not until you mentioned that  _cursed fruit!"_

Keswick giggled. "How are apples cur-cur-cursed?"

"The skin is hard!" Dudley started, Keswick laughing all the way through, "It's hard to bite into and it's hard to actually chew correctly to swallow! And then the inside is always so juicy and it just gets all over my mouth and shirt and me makes me so sticky! And then the actual  _good_ part is just all gross and sour and it's not even worth the trouble."

Keswick snorted, "Dudley, can you-" giggle "-can you tell me the color of the sk-sk-skin of the apples you've been eating?"

"Green. Why?"

Keswick giggled again, unable to keep himself from smiling. "My next p-p-paycheck I'm going to buy you some red apples. They're sw-sweeter."

Dudley turned up from his toy, eyes wide in genuine surprise. "What?"

Keswick snorted again. There sure were alot of things Keswick didn't understand about Earth.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i imagine this is pretty early in their relationship

 

Keswick didn't know what it was that attracted the other TUFF agents to his food, but boy oh boy, did his lunch get stolen all too frequently. Dudley was the only known theft, Keswick hadn't figured out who else stole from him yet. Someday, someday.

Keswick was not a very good cook, and even if he had the energy to do some sort of poison-pepper thing on his food, he wouldn't know how to execute it.

Anyway, whenever Keswick didn't see the brown paper bag with his name slapped on in the fridge, he wasn't surprised in the slightest- but oh boy, he was pissed off. Keswick got irritable when he didn't eat. Then again maybe that was his fault- he took his lunches at three, two hours before he got off, so he'd only have to eat once a day. Chewing was hard and stupid. It wasn't healthy and, seeing how many of his lunches got stolen, it wasn't working.

Sighing angrily, Keswick padded back to his office. He should start bringing non-perishable snacks. That would be smart, unlike Keswick's stupid meal plan.

Sitting back down at his desk, Keswick realized his water bottle was empty, too. Would he get up to fix that? No, he wouldn't.

"Keswick?"

Keswick turned around in his chair, just far enough to see Dudley coming nearer, lunchbox in his hands.

"Hi."

Dudley hopped up beside Keswick, on his desk, and popped open his lunchbox. Keswick tried not to pay attention to him. But then Dudley plopped something in front of Keswick. A semi-clear box with a semi-clear purple lid.

That was his lunch what the hell kind of prank-

"I saw Seabiscuit eating your things," Dudley explained, "I can't read very well but I can tell than his name is longer than yours."

Keswick laughed a bit, popping the lid off his tupperware. "So, what, you wanted to steal it before he could?"

"Yeah!" Dudley exclaimed, "He thinks I only eat dog food so he doesn't steal my things."

Suddenly Keswick was glad he kept his food in more than one layer.

"By the way," Dudley asked, pulling out his own food. It was not dog food, at least, not completely. It was two slices of pizza stuck together, though bits of kibble were scattered on top. "Can I use your microwave?"

"I don't have a microwave," Keswick laughed, "It's all time m-machine."

"Ah, man," Dudley answered quietly, "Pizza is  _so bad_ cold."

Keswick smiled and turned back to his own food. "Coward."


	13. Chapter 13

"Whatever happened to ' _that's the last time I lick a handrail at the hospital'?"_

" _Bitch-ass motherfucker._ Shut the  _hell up."_

Dudley giggled as he sat beside Keswick on the bed. As he did, Keswick sneezed, quickly followed by a cough.

" _Ooh,"_ Dudley sounded, "That was a bad sneeze."

"Yeah?"

Keswick was sick. Obviously. Every summer he got an ear infection, and oh boy did he despise it. The thing was he was too weak to move very far, so he couldn't take care of himself. Outwardly, Keswick hated the fact that Dudley had to take care of him; but internally, he was nothing but a pathetic sick jellyfish who wanted nothing more than to be held.

Luckily enough for Keswick, Dudley was a lapdog who never missed arm day.

As Dudley sat down, Keswick reached over and wrapped his arms around him, grumbling as he settled against his hips. Dudley rubbed Keswick's back quietly.

Eventually, Keswick blinked open an eye and looked up at Dudley.

"R-r-remember that time we kissed to try and make you sick?" he asked.

"My gay awakening?" Dudley asked, Keswick replying in a laugh. "Of course."

Keswick hummed. "You're gonna get s-sick again, one of these days…"

"Sounds sick."

Keswick laughed hoarsely again, nuzzling closer. "Shut up."

Dudley waited a moment before speaking again. "I have something for you."

Keswick looked up as the dog pulled a white bottle from beside him. Then a clear, plastic syringe. Keswick shot up from the place he laid.

"Oh, no!  _Motherfucker,_ you l-lied to me!"

"I didn't say  _anything_ to you, Kes!"

"Don't you d- _dare_ get that awful bubblegum d-d- _dirt_ near me!"

Dudley easily managed to pin Keswick down to the bed on his stomach. Keswick huffed and crossed his arms under his chin.

"Come on!" Dudley laughed, "It's not that bad!"

" _Rat bastard."_

"It'll help you get better!"

"I'd rather choke."

"Sit up so you can take it."

" _I'd rather ch-choke!"_

"Keswick," Dudley chuckled, "Kes, Kes…"

"What the f-f- _fuck_ do you want."

Dudley sat back onto his legs, letting Keswick turn onto his back and look up at him.

"If you take the medicine, as soon as you get better, I'll take you to Owlive Garden," Dudley offered.

Keswick pursed his lips, then sighed. "Fine," he conceded, grabbing the bottle from Dudley and muttering curses under his breath. He shuttled as he swallowed the gritty pink substance.

"Don't be so overdramatic," Dudley said quietly as Keswick handed everything back.

Keswick sniffled. "Fuck you."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ending is really soft i think so i'm just dropping it here: yes the black things on top of keswick's glasses function like eyebrows (and they levitate) and yes i do headcanon that the blue things on them are piercings!
> 
> also, i headcanon dudley is pan! this is an explanation for one (1) sentence.

 

"My mom invited me over to dinner and I… think I'm going to come out to her?"

"You s-s-sure that's a good idea, D-Dudley?" replied Keswick from the other end of the room. "I mean. Your m-m-mother is the same person who s-s-s- _ssssewed_ a tracking device in your ass."

"Mhm…?" replied Dudley, laying across the couch. Keswick leaned over the back of it.

"And she made you q-quit your job at TUFF?"

"Mhm?"

"...and she hates Kitty?"

"Yeah?"

Keswick thought a moment. "...and she dated Snaptrap?"

Dudley groaned loudly and flipped onto his back. Then he whimpered. "You're right, Kes! What if my mom makes me break up with you! You're in, like, my top five favorite things!"

Keswick furrowed his brows and blinked, confused, down at his boyfriend. "...what n-number am I?"

"Three."

"What am I th-third to?"

"Bacon and candy," Dudley replied softly.

Keswick hummed. "Glad to know I'm the first living thing, then."

The mention of candy and bacon didn't console Dudley however. Keswick reached down and grabbed Dudley's shoulder. The mutt blinked up at him, blue eyes watery.

"You're an adult, Dudley," Keswick stated, "Even if your m-mother  _doesn't_ like me, she can't do anything. You don't l-l-live with her."

"She can hate me for all of eternity…" sighed Dudley.

"She might like me, th-though!" Keswick tried to console, though he didn't believe a word of it.

Dudley finally sat up and looked at his partner properly. "I don't know, Keswick…" he sighed, "My mom doesn't like Kitty and I'm not even  _dating_ her. But she might like the thought of me dating someone she doesn't like more than…" he sighed again, "She likes the thought of me dating a boy."

Keswick circled around the couch and sat down beside the dog. He grabbed Dudley's white hands in his own beige ones. "C-c'mon, Dudley. Why don't you think P-P-Peg would like me?" Inwardly, though, Keswick's answer started and ended with one word:  _boy._

" _Wweeelll…"_ sighed Dudley once more. "You. Aren't a girl."

"I'd h-h-hope so, yes," Keswick replied, trying to be chipper.

"You're  _also_ an alien," Dudley continued.

"Your mom doesn't need to know that," snickered Keswick.

Dudley tore one of his hands from Keswick's grip and dragged his thumb across one of his partner's thick eyebrows. "You have piercings."

Keswick grabbed Dudley's wrist and pulled it back into his lap. "It's tw-tw-tw- _twenty-nineteen_ , Dudley, she'll just have to deal with that."

Dudley soon tore his hand free again, though. This time he rolled up one of Keswick's flannel sleeves. "You've got cut scars…" he continued.

Keswick hurriedly shook his sleeve down. "She doesn't need to know th-th- _that,_ either!" he exclaimed.

"You have a stutter!" Dudley exclaimed.

"Like I can h-help it!" replied Keswick.

"You swear like a  _sailor,"_ Dudley continued.

"Oh, f-f- _fffuck_ you," laughed Keswick.

Dudley rolled back a bit and moved his legs up on the couch, on either side of his arms. He looked back at Keswick a few moments later.

"You took my virginity?" he went on.

Keswick flushed and laughed. "Your m-mom  _especially_ doesn't need to know  _that!"_

Dudley whimpered again, pulling himself into a ball. Keswick let out his own sigh and leaned forward, placing a small kiss to Dudley's cheek.

"I could t-t-take your mom," Keswick muttered.

"Don't fight my mom…" whimpered Dudley with a frown. With one more sigh, he stood and circled around the couch. "Will you come with me?"

Keswick nodded.

"I need to call my mom and tell her I'm bringing a friend," Dudley informed, "She'll be upset about  _that_ first."

**(...)**

If Peg  _was_ upset about Keswick's appearance, she didn't show it.

" _Hi, mom!"_ called Dudley as soon as he stepped out of his car. All his earlier worries seemed to be forgotten as he grabbed Keswick's wrist and rushed toward the door. He soon crashed into his mother in a hug, tail wagging wildly.

"It feels like it's been so long since I last saw you, Dudley!" exclaimed Peg. Then she faced Keswick. "And this must be your little friend!" she extended her hand, "I'm Peg, but  _you_ can call me Dudley's Mother!"

"N-no, thank you," replied Keswick, shaking her hand anyway. "I'm Keswick."

"Keswick," Peg repeated, "That's a bit of a strange name."

" _Th-thanks!"_ replied Keswick in a sigh.

"Come in, come in!" Peg invited, still holding Dudley's hand. "I hope you don't mind, but I figured that since you were inviting a friend, I'd invite one too! Dudley, this is Kanga!"

Dudley's ears promptly fell back and all expression drained from his face. Keswick's eyes widened a bit as the three of them stared. Sure enough, at a small wooden dinner table sat a kangaroo with her brown hair tied back. She waved.

Dudley soon picked his jaw up off the floor and chuckled. "O-oh! That's, uh… that's fine, mom. Right, Keswick?"

"Don't d-dr-drag  _me_ into this!" Keswick angrily replied.

"Kelsmitch, honey, there's no need to be nervous!" Peg interjected.

"Nervous n-n-nothing-" Keswick scoffed, though Dudley shoved his arm gently and cut him off.

"Keswick's not nervous, mom!" he informed, "He just… talks like that!"

"He should get that checked out," Peg said, her voice the quietest and most concerned Keswick had ever heard it. "Anyway. I'm going to put the finishing touches on dinner, why don't you introduce yourselves with Kanga, hmm?"

The night was long and tedious. Keswick never stopped being " _ever-so-slightly"_ with Peg's off-handed comments about his stutter, name and eyebrow piercings. Dudley didn't seem bothered whatsoever though; either with the fact there was even more of an audience to his coming out, or to the fact that his boyfriend was upset.

In fact, Dudley only ever seemed to show any sort of negative emotion when his mother whipped out the wooden Scrabble.

" _OH NO!"_ fretted Dudley, "I'm no good at  _that!_ I can't spell!"

"Why don't you let your friend Kelsmitch help you?" Peg suggested.

" _Keswick,"_ he corrected, ignored by everyone.

Dudley cooed. "Yeah, why don't you help me, Keswick! You have a PhD!"

"I have an  _ScD,"_ Keswick corrected, a small smile crossing his face, moreso at Dudley than his accomplishments.

Kanga squeaked. "I love a smart man…" she cooed, then turned to Peg. "But I don't believe I can stay! You know how the little joeys get…"

She stood and hugged Peg before quickly grabbing her purse and heading out. Almost immediately, Dudley's face was consumed by anxiety. Peg was arranging the pieces properly, however when she finally looked up at her son, she looked anxious herself.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.

"Uh, well…" Dudley's voice was high-pitched and strained. He glanced nervously over at Keswick, who quickly interlaced their hands under the table. Dudley cleared his throat. "Keswick is… my roommate."

Peg smiled then. "Oh! Good for you, Dudley." She then went right back to figuring out to the game.

"That's not all," Dudley whispered, catching her attention again.

He looked to Keswick one last time. Keswick smiled gently and patted his hand under the table.

"I've. Uh," Dudley went on, "Learned lots of times that… lying is bad, so, uh, I… I can't lie to you anymore."

Dudley didn't continue for a few moments, and, for once in his life, needed to work up the confidence to say anything. The silence was so thick he could've shot it with his blaster.

"...Keswick is my boyfriend," Dudley announced quickly, his voice high-pitched. Under the table, his hands were squeezing the ever-loving  _heck_ out of Keswick's.

Peg blinked. "He's your  _what?_ He can't be! You dated girls all the time in middle and high-school!"

Dudley didn't have the energy to even  _start_ to explain he liked them both. Instead he replied, "I'm not  _in_ middle or high-school anymore, mom. I'm twenty-seven."

"How did this  _happen,_ Dudley?" Peg asked hurriedly, "Was it because you never had a father? Did you just get tired of a woman's touch?"

" _What?"_ Dudley replied, "No! I just! I like boys, mom!"

Peg stared at the two of them blankly, her hackles risen. " _Why?"_

Dudley opened his mouth to reply. But, for once in his life, he couldn't get anything to come out. Suddenly, Keswick let out a deep, shakey breath.

"I need to-" he said, breathlessly, tearing his hands from Dudley's iron grip and standing up from the table. "-g-get some fr-fr-fresh air, r-r-real quick."

" _Don't leave me, Keswick!"_ begged Dudley.

"I think the  _both_ of you should get some fresh air," replied Peg, her voice clearly reflecting all the other thoughts that swam around her head.

Dudley glanced up at his boyfriend, terrified. Wordlessly, he stood as well and grabbed his hand once more, leading the both of them out the open front door. Night had fallen on the two lone figures as Keswick dragged Dudley to their car.

"We can't leave yet," Dudley whispered, "I still have things I like in my old room, I need to get them before my mom boots me out her life forever!"

" _D-D-Dudley P-P-Puppy, I am ab-about to have a p-p-p-panic att-attack."_

Keswick was leaning on the side of their car, arms crossed and shaking. His glasses were half-fogged up and his breaths came out unsteady. Dudley crossed his arms as well, gently rubbing his biceps. His face heated and his vision blurred.

"This was a bad idea, huh?" he asked softly.

" _No sh-sh-shit, Sh-Sh-Sherlock,"_ replied Keswick. His eyes were watery too, though Dudley could hardly see them.

Dudley let out a shakey sigh and grabbed one of Keswick's arms. He pulled him gently forward into a hug. Dudley pressed hard into the space between Keswick's neck and shoulder.

" _I'm sorry…"_ the dog squeaked.

Keswick was still shaking and letting out half-muffled sobs in his partner's embrace. He released his shaking hands, though, and looped them around Dudley's broad shoulders.

"It's n-n-not your f-f-fault," Keswick whispered shakily, "It's  _n-not y-y-your f-f-fault…."_

**(...)**

Dudley and Keswick stayed outside for a very long time. Keswick calmed down, and Dudley got more emotional. Even after everything, there was absolutely no mistaking the both of them had been crying.

It had been long enough, though, and Dudley needed to speak with his mom again.

"G-go on without me," sniffled Keswick, tossing his keys in the air for a moment. "...I want to insult your mother, but I won't," he said before ducking into their car.

Dudley sniffled himself and slowly padded back inside his childhood home. Peg was waiting not too far from the doorway.

"I saw that," she whispered.

"Saw what," Dudley replied, too emotionally drained to make a proper question.

"That…  _thing_ where you and Keswick tried to calm eachother down," Peg explained.

"Yeah, well…" Dudley replied. Then shrugged, "I love him, so."

"I think I reacted too boldly," Peg went on.

"You think?" Dudley replied.

Peg nodded. "I just… I lived through the eighties, Dudley, I worry about you."

"Neither of us  _have_ anything," Dudley answered, then flushed, "My… my first time was with Keswick. And his was with me."

"Don't tell me that," Peg laughed, "And Keswick doesn't look the best, either! He's a nerd, Dudley! A nerd with eyebrow piercings!"

Dudley nodded. He knew that.

"And he  _stutters!"_ continued Peg, "And I sat across from him all night trying to figure out what kind of animal he is! Is he a mole? A  _quakea,_ whatever those Austrailian things are called?"

"Jellyfish," Dudley answered.

"What?" replied Peg.

" _Ooh,_ maybe he  _is_ a  _quakea,"_ Dudley thought aloud. He then explained, "But he's  _mostly_ jellyfish."

"And he's a  _crossbreed_ of all things!" Peg went on, breathless.

Dudley furrowed his brows and felt his own hackles raise. "Don't you have anything nice to say about him?"

Peg blinked, then answered, "Yes. He seems to love you very much. And you seem to love  _him_ very much."

"Yeah…" sighed Dudley. Though, inwardly, Dudley figured Keswick probably loved him  _significantly_ less after  _this_ encounter.

Peg grabbed her son's arm then. "I never cared much for gays, Dudley. But I learned my lesson with you. You need your,  _hm… 'man space.'_ You were devastated when I made you quit TUFF, and that's just a  _job!"_ Peg laughed. "My parents never stopped me with my wild rock-n-roll boyfriends. Keswick may be the polar opposite, but you know what?"

For once since the whole ordeal, Peg and Dudley's eyes met. Peg smiled softly.

"I'm not going to stop you either."

Dudley beamed, eyes lighting up. His tail wagged wildly as he rushed forward, pressing into his mother for a hug. They also sat there for a while, though Peg eventually pulled away and looked up at her son, face very serious.

"Just don't go around getting any STD's," Peg said, voice dry and monotone.

Dudley laughed and stepped back, "Don't worry, mom! I'm gonna marry Keswick."

Peg blinked. "What,  _tonight?"_

Dudley chuckled again. "Uh.  _No,_ I need to talk him into the whole thing first."

Peg smiled and pulled her son into one more hug. "I'm so happy for you, Dudley," she said, placing a kiss to his cheek. She then gently pushed him away. "Off you go then. I want grandkids."

" _Mom!"_ Dudley laughed, padding out the door. Peg stood by, ready to close it. Dudley turned on his heel half-way to the car, though, and waved. His mother waved back, then closed the door their home.

**(...)**

"I guess you m-made up, then?" asked Keswick quietly as Dudley got in the passenger side door.

Dudley nodded happily and wiped his face with one of his hands. He then took note of Keswick's seat. "Why are you driving…" he asked.

Keswick smirked up at him. "What? You expected me to wait in a car for g-g-god knows how long in f-f-f-fifty fucking degress? I don't th-think so, Dudley."

Dudley sighed wistfully while Keswick chuckled to himself. Then the alien faced his partner.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, hang on," Dudley replied. He scooted over in his seat and placed one of his hands on Keswick's jaw before pulling him into a deep kiss. Keswick sighed himself, dragging his hands from the steering wheel to Dudley's shoulders. Then Dudley pulled closer (as close as he could, anyway, with the armrest) and Keswick rested his elbows on his boyfriend's shoulders instead.

Dudley pulled away with a heavy breath and Keswick pulled away, fur lit up with red.

"I'm ready," Dudley said, shifting into his seat properly and buckling his seatbelt.

Keswick huffed, fixing his posture though still looking at his roommate. "...you're a j-j- _jackass,_ Dudley Puppy…" he whispered, then glanced away. "...I love you."

Dudley smiled and blushed pink. "I love you too, Kes," he answered.


End file.
